Category Archives: Poetry

eviscerate her fragile friction, not enough stitches

for the aperture in her atrium. plastic surge-

ry as a means of finding a better face to match her

coat. on the stomach draw the circle in a charcoal black

& fill her belly with aphrodisiacs. then calcu-

late recent weight loss on the abacus, & forge a  sig-

nature in gasoline as conscientious objectors

to her hedonism of cunnilingus & codeine.

flood contagion, providing rescue breathing after.

charge dental if she bites, a tranquilizer to re-

solve the issue of reaching esophagus. tell her to

keep it down. the lady protests too much. she’s refusing

anatomical study, break her down into parts of

speech. seal her lips shut. prevent exposure of her midriff.

pious fallopian benedictions transcribed

in opium vespers, as the new abortion

devises brutality for festering cuntmother.

agendas translated into battlecries of

semen infiltration. bloody phallic chants

harmonizing with preternatural menstrual

hymen screams. building bastard bridges

across seas of syphilis. ovular distortions

exchanged for love & pregnancy. idolized

savagery cumming at the seams till nuclear

winter. rigid cunt furnace: wombic salvation

from ice age apocalypse. what’s left: post-

coital decrescendo of sex-stained sheets

whispering sweaty holocausts of lament.

I have fucked. I have been fucked. I will continue to fuck and be fucked. I will fuck until fucking becomes making love. I will make love until I believe I am falling in love. I will fuck until falling in love is being in love. I will continue to fuck even when I am no longer in love. I will fuck the people I love. I will be fucked by the people that love me. I will be fucked by those who say they love me. I will be fucked by people who do not love me; who do not know me. I will let myself be fucked. Because being fucked by someone else, is so much better than fucking yourself. And when there is no one around to fuck me, I will fuck myself.

Ted isolated Down syndrome.  He isolated and crystallized it.  He chopped up the crystals.  He rolled up a ten dollar bill and snorted it.  His eyes bulged and his face tightened.  His mouth got numb and he felt the brain in his skull shrink like a sponge, then the cool release as it eased back against his skull. 


At his desk, his pens and his pencils stayed the same.  He gripped the side of his desk, had the urge to eat a Twinkie.  He felt kaleidoscope, a bird flutter, felt his tits sag into fleshy sacs on his chest.  He wanted to wear tie-dye inside him and on him and have cartoon characters as friends.  He wanted McDonalds, he wanted a job there, he wanted it now, all over him, he wanted the plastic toys in the kid’s meal, he wanted to feel the cheap plastic in his pudgy hands.
 


Ted snorted more Down syndrome when he was coming down.  When he felt his eyes go back to normal and his brain start asking questions, he used the loosely-rolled bill to snort and snort.  The Rockette came to his apartment to check on him. Ted had not been in to work for days.  People were not worried about him but they needed him to do his work.  She wanted to help him so he wouldn’t get fired and go broke and be homeless on the street.  He might scratch himself in public, or defecate in front of people.  The Rockette cringed at the thought, and swung his front door open.  It was unlocked.
 


The Rockette found Ted on the floor bug-eyed and coloring in a coloring book with marker.  He had gotten it all over the rug.  He was eating Twinkies.  The Rockette realized Ted had been doing nothing but eating Twinkies and snorting Down syndrome for a week.  She knew that Twinkies for a whole week were not good for Ted’s bowel movements.
 


The Rockette bought Ted a cooked chicken but Ted was stubborn because he isolated more Down syndrome and snorted it all, an even bigger and more potent dosage to maintain his high harder and longer.  The Down syndrome made him stubborn and only want to draw big pink cats with googly eyes and green whiskers.  The Rockette was frustrated but she also found it very sexy.  They went to his room and Ted laughed like she tickled him.
 


Ted made mental notes to his other self when he was his regular self, even though this was happening in less and less frequent intervals. In fact, some of his notes went unfinished and The Rockette could read the fragments on his walls and desk and carpet, only to wonder at his language. Ted prepared more Down syndrome because whenever he was high he stopped remembering how to do simple but important things like make more.  So Ted started doing a lot at once so that there was no confusion.  He locked his door and The Rockette didn’t come in for days because he didn’t open the door when it was knocked on.
 


The Rockette was fed up with Ted and his behavior, especially after she tried to help him by making him laugh.  She barged in on Sunday morning, the Holy day of rest, and found Ted doing just that all stiff and bulgy-eyed on the cream-colored carpet in his living room.  He had marker all over his skin and he was laying in a pile of crayons and half-eaten Twinkies as though he had forgotten he was eating them and opened a new one several times.  It smelled like bad and stale desert cakes.  The Rockette pulled the chicken out of the fridge and took a seat next to Ted.  Cradled between her shoulder and her cheek was a phone.  She dialed Ted’s mother and told her that her son was gone.

So we aren’t stopping rest stops they just keep on glowing neon ears accelerating past white lines It’s a beautiful saying, all is fair in what you provoke me by I am clenching the metal souvenirs with my fingernails and I imagine you painting me in bitter toned oils all over my hands and elbows stroking my eyelashes with your lips 

I’m bending to that door arbitrarily asking you to ask me for whatever it is that holds me back from that conversation I ran through the scenarios in my head before comfortable sleep me begging you and you begging me to stop and I muffled my only voice through the ease of shelter in the form of a dormitory cot.

I found that the only wealth I had gained in your absence was solitude; it’s not enough They told you that your value is, was, had been denoted by your class, your standing, your size, your walk – you walk like a prick, begging for harmony and seething with apprehension

And you assumed the only way to end this world’s contention against you was between the statuesque burnished poise of the bottle, floating from all rationale and me and you seized it like you would a pretty girl dressed fashionably in a face that expresses no thought I imagined your life, luggage, packed in a shoe box and guitar case and still I crumple like paper, disfigured as your notion that this place would swallow your energy, recycle you into white currents of prescriptions and diagnoses and meds and pills and I stood there shuffling my returns in your drunken disarray wanting you to be just okay  

When you told me you wanted to die
I made a grocery list.